Ok, ok, I know… It’s been a LONG time since I last wrote. But I do have some great news that I still have to pinch myself to believe. I am off the supplemental oxygen that I needed around the clock since about the year 2000! I am using it at night with my bi-pap after undergoing a home sleep study that showed that my O2 level dipped down pretty low once in the entire night, so they thought it would be a good idea to keep me on O2 at night for the boost. But none is needed during the day. We have been watching this for over 6 months so this is no fluke. It’s real. I’m getting better!

Wow. After 7 years of lugging around tanks and being careful not to trip over the tubing, I am FREE!!! I still can’t believe it! And now for the $64,000 question: WHY? Why did I need it in the first place? And why don’t I need it now? What has changed?

Three theories, each provided by a doctor of a different specialty. The first, from my pulmonologist, is that because I’ve lost a large amount of weight over time (50 lbs.), that my body passed back over the threshold where I no longer needed the extra O2. One problem with that theory is that I see a lot of very large people out there in life walking around without supplemental O2—people MUCH bigger than I ever was. Why me & not them? I kept trying to interject the fact that I have Thalassemia Minor and that might account for the fact why my blood could not carry as much O2 as most folks, but my theory was shot done by both my pulmonologist AND a hematologist at the University of Chicago—not lightweights by any measure.

OK, the next explanation came from my sleep doctor. He stated that since I changed from C-Pap to Bi-Pap in the fall of 2006, and had the pressure settings changed to a much higher rate, I was getting more air pushed in & out of my lungs all night long during the past year. He thinks this also changed the “setting” in my brain to allow me to use more of the O2 in just room air. Also, he thinks the reason why I wasn’t taking in as much O2 as needed during the night was because of the Inclusion-body myositis, which may have been affecting the muscles around my diaphragm and lungs and not working enough to process my breathing while I’m asleep. Hmmm… maybe.

Finally, my cardiologist just last week offered her own opinion. She thinks that I might have reduced the level of inflammation in my body through diet and supplements to the point that I began to achieve a better state of health and the O2 usage improved. I also have been exercising much more regularly than at any other point of my life. I work hard to make sure that I eat a lot of vegetables and fruits, whole grains, and good sources of protein, including meat, poultry & fish. I have lost weight consistently over these past 6-7 years and hope to lose at least 50 more pounds.

It’s also true that my diabetes remains under remarkably good control with a minimum of oral medications: Precose to block carbs in my intestines and a tiny, tiny bit of Glyburide to improve insulin production to clean up any excess sugar in the blood. My last Hemaglobin A1C was at 6.1, and before that at 5.9. And I was diagnosed with the diabetes at about the same time as I began the supplemental O2. So maybe what she’s saying could have played a part of the puzzle that is me.

Regardless, I’m happy about this new development, but I’m still not out of the woods by any measure. I’m experiencing greater & greater muscle weakness, especially in my thighs, and it’s getting harder for me to walk any distance without feeling it. This is something I can’t improve. The IBM will progress unmercifully & there are no treatment options currently available. But I take my supplements and exercise regularly and hope to slow things down. That’s what I have to work with & so that’s what I will continue to do.

Been neglecting you again lately…

Interesting thing happened to me today regarding my diabetes. Took 50 mg of Precose in the morning & ate a bowl of fruit (nectarine) & bran flakes, with a little Honey Nut Cheerios thrown in because I was almost out of bran flakes. Then I had a few bites of zucchini with garlic, olive oil & potatoes & a chunk of hard baguette that I had picked up at the farmer’s market. I had an appointment at 3:00 pm at Counseling, so I took 2 big chunks of Glyburide because my blood sugar (BS) was already up to 184 when I tested it before I left.

Later in the afternoon, after I came home, I developed a pain in the center of my back (or a little above), like behind my heart. I have come to recognize that pain in that area means that my blood sugar is plunging. So I checked it & the reading didn’t look so bad, but I KNEW it was plunging, nonetheless. I could FEEL it. So I ate some watermelon & a little something else (can’t remember what right now), and kept an eye on my BS. It continued to go down. Pretty soon I was really feeling awful in the evening, but had no appetite and didn’t want to force myself to eat as I almost felt nauseous. I took my BP (140/74) and it was alright, so I kept taking my BS to make sure it didn’t go too low (it never did). But I felt sick anyway.

I finally took an acetaminophen and a Ranitidine (2^nd for the day), and ate a piece of whole wheat bread toasted with Smart Balance (and NO diabetes meds). Only then, when my BS began to climb did I feel relief. So what did I learn from this?? The pain I felt in my back I think was related to the pancreas (but I could be wrong). I also must not be so quick to pop Glyburide – especially after eating bran flakes. My BS always climbs when I do, but then comes down nicely. I took the extra Glyburide because I had to leave the house and didn’t want to have my BS too high. So I screwed myself up, and it really makes you feel SICK.

I also have been peeing all day. I drank some tea & took my 1^st diuretics at about 4:30 pm, so it could just be from that. Or maybe it was related to the diabetes symptoms.

Bottom line: you just can’t trust the numbers on the meter as that blood is coming from your forearms. The rest of the blood circulating can be much higher or lower, you just can’t tell it yet. Diabetes is nothing to fool around with. I think I better go back to walking on my treadmill again!

BTW, I went to see my primary care physician – who I hadn’t seen in YEARS. It was a good thing and she gave me some sound advice regarding the vitamins & supplements I’m taking (“Don’t take vitamin E”). She also hooked me up with a natural medicines database that is amazing (it’s for physicians) & gave me her password & ID to log in. She thinks that what I’m experiencing when I get those periods of extreme sick feelings (like when I went to the nursery with my daughter), it’s because of a combination of things: my gastroparesis, the meds I take, my diabetes, etc. Yeah, I can see that. It makes sense. Eating enough fiber to keep things moving along nicely should be a priority for me (it is). But now I’ll feel better because at least I have some idea of what’s going on with me when I feel like that.

I also went to see an orthopedic doctor in the past month about my trigger finger. He gave me a small shot of cortisone in the “pad” below the finger & guess what?? It got better!! A-maz-ing!! The pain is gone & the finger only “sticks” in that position very rarely. He said that if this didn’t work, he’d try another shot once & then I’d need minor surgery that he could do without anesthesia & on an outpatient basis. “No biggie” was his assessment.

Otherwise, everything else is ok, but I cancelled my stress test & asked my cardiologist if we could put it off for a while & she said sure, no problem. I still am on for the “home study” though next week to see about my need for extra O2. More on that later…

Had some problems this morning when I woke up – prematurely, due to my daughter’s alarm. I felt sick & immediately knew what was wrong. This has happened before, but not for a long, long time because I’m pretty careful about this, but just as I was falling asleep last night I remember thinking that I hadn’t drank enough water with the final pills that I was taking, namely a time-released calcium channel blocker. This may not seem like a big deal, but when the other pill that I took was a diuretic, this could mean problems.

So here’s the thing: the calcium channel blocker lowers the blood pressure while it makes the heart beat evenly & more slowly. The diuretic removes excess water from my system, so I become rather “dried out.” This makes the effects of the CCB all the stronger & I feel sick. Specifically, I felt nauseous, chills, shaky, & like I was going to faint. Every heartbeat was like pulsating tiny little explosions in my blood. OK, it’s hard to describe, but it feels just awful, plus it’s scary. I didn’t dare take my BP at the time. I did, later in the morning after I had drank a lot of water & ate some crackers & it was 112/57 then. Then about 5 hours later it was at 127/67 (P72) & I was feeling much better. But my ability to sleep had been shot. I catnapped throughout the morning & was left feeling weak & washed out.

I have been taking 2 doses of my diuretic each day – 20mg during the day at some point (usually late afternoon) & then 40mg at night before bedtime to really help my kidneys rid my body of the excess water. But now I realize that I was setting myself up for this to happen if I didn’t take care to have enough fluids in me. It was probably be a lot smarter for me to take my big dose during the day, but that’s not always practical. For one, it helps your body a lot if you can put your feet up for a half hour or so when you take it so the blood isn’t fighting gravity to get up from your legs & feet to your heart & kidneys. Also, it’s not always handy for me to have to find a bathroom & pee my little heart out during the late afternoon/evening hours. These pills have a 6-hour window in which they work. So I was putting it off until night when I was naturally reclining & asleep. Sure, you’re probably thinking, but then you have to get up in the middle of the night & go pee. Well, yeah. But I haven’t had a continuous night’s sleep anyway since before my kids were born & my baby’s now 21! So I’m going to get up to pee anyway.

Another issue occurred to me as I was lying in my bed this morning. I have Thalassemia Minor – Mediterranean anemia - & therefore my blood has a decreased capacity to carry O2 in my blood because my iron level is so low & the red blood cells are misshaped. Add to this problem the problem with my lungs – they’re restricted & obstructed by my body make-up & asthma – so I don’t take in enough O2 to begin with. (I still believe this is part of the reason that I needed supplemental O2.) It all seemed so clear to me, in the early morning hours. It all seemed to come together in my mind. The meds I take both help & hurt me at the same time. What I mean by that is that they do what they’re supposed to, but they also carry some nasty side effects that can make me miserable. The CCB & the diuretic are necessary to help lighten the load on my heart in which my left ventricle is struggling to relax & allow more blood to pump. But if the meds dehydrate me too much & the CCB’s effects are amplified because of my low fluid levels & slow my heartbeat down too much, this could be disastrous. So I must walk a narrow path, once again, health-wise & be vigilant with my meds. Just like every heart patient. Just another thing to worry about. The ticking time bomb in our chests. Hell, yeah, it scares me.

BTW, I have asked my cardiologist to consider lowering my CCB dosage several times, but she doesn’t seem to want to budge on this issue. To begin with, I was taking 300mg a day, now I’m at 180mg. I’d like to go down to 120mg, but I do notice my BPs creeping up in the afternoons & evenings. But in the morning, they’re all at 110/60 or lower even. She says that’s just fine & not too low. So be it. I trust this woman a lot & put myself in her hands when it comes to cardiology. She’s also been very supportive of my use of vitamins & supplements, something most other doctors just sneer at still. But they’re coming around, as I’ve written about here previously.

So I think I’ll change my meds schedule so that I take the large dose during the day & the smaller one at night. As for the CCB: more water, of course. I don’t want a repeat of this morning. As I sit here I feel weak & washed-out. I need sleep & rest badly. I’m going to take it easy today & see if I can’t get some.

Travel Success & Trigger Fingers

It's been a while now that I have stopped taking the vitamin E (400 IU/daily) & it may just be a coincidence but I haven't had any of the dizzy/sick spells in that time. I may wait a bit longer & then try taking one tab every other day to see if that makes any difference.

Went to my daughter's graduation from college last Saturday & had a great time. No problems other than having to navigate over a lot of stairs. But it went well & I'm glad I went. No panic attacks & had a great time on the road going & coming back with my daughter's best friend who has just graduated from nursing school & is actually interested in talking about health-related issues. I also didn't even need to use the large tanks of O2 as my little liquid O2 tanks were enough to get me by. I even turned my tank down to 1 liter & 1.5 liters at various times to conserve & there was still more than enough left when I got home (at 2:00 AM). So I guess I really CAN travel if I put my mind to it. I have an elderly aunt & uncle in IN that I would love to go see as they haven't been able to travel up here much in the past few years. Maybe that will be my next trip.

I'm truly perplexed at what has been happening to the ring finger of my right hand. I have developed a trigger finger & from what I read about this condition, it develops from an inflammation of the tendon bundle just under the finger in the palm & sure enough, if I press there, it is quite sore. I thought this might be a part of the myositis but I asked my neurologist & she said it wasn't. But as I read the blog entries by other people with Inclusion-body Myositis , they complain about the gradual weakening of their hands & how they are unable to grip things very well anymore -- like when trying to open a new jar of something. So I'm confused. My daughter's friend -- the new nurse -- told me on our trip that there are no muscles in the hands themselves, so the myositis would have no muscle tissue to affect. So what are the "pads" of our fingers made of? I think I may post a new thread on the IBM blog & ask if anyone has any experience with hand problems & see if I'm not alone.

In the meantime, I have been knitting up a storm lately. Just made my 1st pair of socks by following the instructions & looking up the technical stuff in other knitting books. And I did it ALL BY MYSELF! (*she says proudly*) I think this frequent exercising of my hands in knitting may be having a positive effect on the trigger finger because when I wake up in the morning after not using my hands all night, I have had less "popping" of the trigger in that finger, & this is when it would happen the most. I go to see an orthopedist at the end of the month for this so many of my questions may be answered then. And yet, maybe not, as I find the general level of knowledge of IBM by most doctors I have spoken with is abysmal. But I have my hopes.

Going to go make homemade gnocchi for tomorrow's dinner at my eldest daughter's house to celebrate a belated Mother's Day, my younger daughter's graduation, & my son's 21st birthday, which is today. We have a lot to be thankful for right now. Well, maybe not for everything. Something came in the night & killed (& partially ate) 2 of my 3 chickens on successive nights, & I was quite upset by this. I am scrambling around to see if I can find a few replacements & to improve the safety of their coop & pen. I feel really sorry for the survivor who seems totally freaked out having seen the demise of her 2 sisters. Life is REALLY tough out there for some species...

Great.

Just happened to read about a few new things for folks to worry about. In the news today it was revealed that for people who have engaged in oral sex with more than 5 partners during their lifetime would experience an increase in the possibility for oral HPV (human papillomavirus) and perhaps throat cancer. If HPV were indeed present in the mouth & throat, the person would be “32 times more likely to develop one form of oral cancer than those free of the virus.” I can just imagine the women (and men) across this country that are reading this in their morning newspapers and spraying out their coffee across the breakfast table. This is certainly going to cause the phones to ring off the desks of physicians across the U.S. today.

Also, I read on the “Worst Pills” website (http://www.worstpills.org/) that several of the medications & supplements that I take daily are on their “DO NOT USE” list: Advair (& therefore, Serevent), Glucosamine & Chondroitin (haven’t started this one, but the bottle is sitting right in front of me), and my beloved, Coenzyme Q-10. Green tea is on there, but probably in pill form & more of a notice that it doesn’t do the things it’s purported to do (as with CoQ-10). Zelnorm is also on there which has been prescribed for me (for IBS), but I never took.

Now, I LOVE science. Give me the cold, hard facts. But this is a bit harsh. Enough data has been collected on CoQ10 to know that it is somewhat helpful for use with heart failure patients. Or, at least that’s what I have read elsewhere. But this group is an arm of Public Citizen & I have a lot of respect for them, so I’m conflicted. Plus, my pulmonologist swears by Advair & has told me time & time again that it is necessary for my asthma control for me to take it, & I have a lot of confidence in his opinion, seeing how he is one the drug recommendation board of every major pharmaceutical manufacturer that makes asthma drugs (they go to him for advice when designing asthma meds, he’s that famous in his field). So, what gives?

Update from last post:

From the Mayo Clinic site: (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vitamin-e/NS_patient-vitamin-e) “Neurologic : In rare cases, vitamin E supplementation has been associated with dizziness, fatigue, headache, weakness, or blurred vision (particularly when used in high doses, such as 800 IU/day).” Given my sensitivity to all substances I take, I think this may be what’s been happening to me, even though I only take 400IU/day. I’m going to pass on the vitamin E for a few weeks to see if this is the case. Taking the CoQ10 with the fish oil & food, should be enough “fat” to help it do its job.

BTW, my doctor looked all the way back to 1994 on my test records yesterday & said that my liver & kidney functions have been consistently normal, although my blood count is lamentably low (& she said there was nothing that I could really do about that because of my thalessemia minor). She also said that I had been tested for hemachromatosis in the past (when my mother was diagnosed with it, but she couldn’t tell if I had been tested for the porphyria (which my mother also has & can be hereditary), although my liver tests look totally normal. I will ask Dr. S about this in a few weeks when I see her. (The reason I have been wondering about this is because I have been noticing that the backs of my hands have become heavily pigmented recently (hyperpigmentation). The dermatologist said that this could be caused by washing one’s hands often with strong cleansing solutions. Yesterday, my gastro. said that it could be caused by taking certain medications as well.) (http://www.merck.com/mmpe/sec10/ch123/ch123d.html)

NEW DEVELOPMENTS...

I go to a nursery in Grant Park on Thursday, May 3^rd, & as I am in one of the greenhouses – hot, humid, & sun coming through the opaque plastic – I am bending down to look at the various markers on the flats of plants. Up & down, bending down & up…pretty soon I was feeling pretty whoozy. I went out into the cooler hallway & stood leaning on my cart looking for my daughter. I tried calling her on her cell phone, but she has it turned off. Finally I turn & look for somewhere to sit down. Then I see my daughter. I sit there trying to feel better as she goes off to finish her shopping, but by this time my head is swimming, I’m feeling nauseous & weak like I’m going to faint. About a half hour goes by & I’m no better. We decide to leave. The ride home is awful & my eyes are closed for most of it. The bumps in the road make it worse. I get home, take my BS (blood sugar) & it’s not bad: 116. My BP (Blood Pressure) is 144/69 on the first reading, 140/70 about a half hour later. I try to think back about what I have taken that day. I went to the junior college with my daughter in the morning to talk to one of the counselors about my other daughter's classes, and I was a little breathless when walking. Then we went to my daughter's house & had some lunch. I took a whole Precose tablet (50mg) while I only ate a few small pieces of toasted Italian bread with my omelet. I probably didn’t need all that much. I think I also took some Ranitidine and maybe my fish oil, vitamin E & CoQ10. Then we went to the nursery. On a full stomach. Not such a good idea & much of my blood must go to my stomach for digestion after eating & physical activity is difficult.

Then, a few days ago on May 7^th, I was out in the backyard cleaning out pots & planting tomato plants in them. Again, bending & lifting & it was sunny out but not too hot. I started to feel sick again, but this time stopped immediately & went inside to sit in the cool & relax on my recliner. It took over a half hour for the symptoms to subside. Again, the dizziness, the weakness, & the sick feeling in my stomach. Never any chest pain, palpitations, SOB (shortness of breath) – nothing like that. Again I took my BP & BS thinking I’d see something, but again, nothing. I don’t remember what I had taken that day, but there’s a good chance that I took pretty much the same things: ranitidine & my morning supplements.

Today, May 9^th, I went up to the Univ. of C. & saw my gastroenterologist for the last time (she’s going to Mayo’s) & I told her about these symptoms. She said that ANYTHING we take into our bodies – medicine, vitamins or supplements – can interact & produce changes in the proteins & enzymes in our bodies. I come home & took my Ranitidine, fish oil, vitamin E & CoQ10, and started to feel dizzy again – and this time I was just sitting. I’m finally starting to see a pattern here. On reflection, I have only started taking this 400IU of vitamin E in the past month or so – it’s the newest addition to my supplement regimen. I thought by taking the vitamin E with the CoQ10 I would be recreating the CoQ10 that my vitamin supplier USED to sell but very recently discontinued. So I had tried the ToCo10, but felt sick. I have read that CoQ10 is absorbed by the body better when taking with some “fat” or oil – which is why much of it is combined with vitamin E, but usually only about 20-40IU in each tab. Maybe I’m getting too much vitamin E & my body can’t handle it – especially when combined with the fish oil (1,000mg). Hmm... I’m going to discontinue the vitamin E for a while & see if this stops. I especially want to feel well for my younger daughter's graduation on Saturday (which I’m dreading to go to, given how poorly I’ve been feeling lately). But I’m going with my own private nurse (a friend) so it should be alright. We’re also only going to the evening ceremony so it should be cooler too.

New Directions

My youngest daughter made a wonderful suggestion the other day that gave me one of those moments of clarity where the little lightbulb goes went on over my head. She suggested that I use this blog as a sort of running journal of my illnesses to document them & perhaps suggest that my doctors read it to try to gain some understanding of what I'm going through. I have so many things wrong with me that it makes it damn hard to explain what it is that I feel -- it's just so hard to put it in words somtimes. And try as I might to understand the physiological changes that are taking place inside me, I just don't have the scientific background to really be able to know with any certainty what's really happening (although I'm pretty good at guessing rather accurately).

The question that stands before me is this: for whom do I write this blog (when I do write)? Am I writing this for myself, & therefore, forget about anyone who might wander in here to check this out? Am I writing for an audience that I hope might wander by, get interested & come back regularly to read what I have to say? (I never saw it as that.) Up to now, I really hadn't been able to even keep MY interest in writing regularly here, let alone to suppose that others might be checking in. So no, this blog was mainly intended for my own journaling & now the idea of keeping track of my health journey may even give me some insight into any reoccurring symptoms that when added up might be significant & even helpful in finding ways to help improve my current situation.

So, if you're reading this, be prepared for future posts to contain a LOT of health stuff that might not be interesting to anyone other than (a) myself, (b) any one of my multitude of doctors, or (c) a health science junkie (e.g., a nursing or medical student, etc.).

By the way, if some of what I'm about to write appears to you to be borderline hypochondria, please be assured that it is not. I got the bona fides to back up all these conditions, folks. It's for real. On the other hand, I have very recently sought the aid of a therapist to help me work on my panic/anxiety issues that seem to blur the line between what is happening to me due to the workings of my own body, and that which is aided and encouraged by my mind. I have great hopes for finding some relief there.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

THE WAR IS OVER... (continued)

This is a continuation of my rantings last night. They were actually part of an email I sent to a fellow blogger as we discussing some comments written by a rather conservative reader. I wrote a rather vitriolic comment which was removed, as it should have. The following was intended to explain why I wrote what I did. The name has been changed.

I'm glad we're on the same side here on this. I admire your ability to keep your head in these discussions. I just can't anymore. These past 6 years have been very hard for me & it's made me realize just how intolerant I am! I've come to the conclusion that I just don't think I could maintain any close relationships with people if I know they're politically on the right. I know...that's pretty bad of me, but I'm being honest here. Just like I couldn't respect anyone who chooses to believe in Creationism over Darwinism anymore. Or even religious extremists of the Evangelical persuasion (actually, any religion).

I've barely held onto my sanity through reading my leftie political blogs, watching The Daily Show, Bill Maher, Keith Olbermann, listening to Al Franken, reading Daily Kos & Huffington Post, or Michael Moore. I have a chronic illness so I stay home a lot & these were my lifelines. For reals.

The Carols of this world in all their self-righteous self-deluded smugness about their media-fed vision of this country have had their time & it's over! They screwed things up royally, remember? Why shouldn't we call them on it? They've brought this world to the brink of disaster -- warfare, terrorism, pollution, global warming, etc etc... you name it!

I've lost my cool. I wish I could be more like you, but I can't. I'm too old for this. I marched against the war in Vietnam many, many years ago. I was in Chicago for the 1968 Democratic Convention. I witnessed first-hand all this shit back then and here we are living through a new "fresh hell".

So now you know where I'm coming from a little better. People like Carol will never see the world accurately as it really is. They would self-destruct if they did. Looking at her blog, her feelings are all wrapped up with her father having served in the military & her nice, neat little vanilla-scented Republican world. If they really saw this war for what it was they would unravel. I've seen this with people who have a loved one serving over there. They HAVE to keep up the illusion that this is a matter of honor to serve our country, blah, blah, blah. They were saying the same things back in the 60s with Vietnam ("My country, right or wrong..."). Damn! Won't we ever learn???

Listen, thanks for letting me spew all this madness out here in this email. It was actually very therapeutic! I'm really pretty fairly sane & balanced about most other things... really I am! I think this stuff is what has caused me to seek refuge in my garden & growing things; to create beautiful art & wonderful food. To look to the deeper meanings of life. To the important stuff. The rest is fluff anyway. Life is about love & family & our kids (my are all pretty grown up now). Just like it was for the poor Iraqis, once upon a time.

Take care & keep writing. You're doing a good job. Keep in touch if you'd like. I'm here.

THE WAR IS OVER...

Or at least, it will be. Soon, I hope. The Democrats know that this is what the American people voted them in to do. I hope they get it right or the ca-ca will really hit the fan in 2008.

The past 6 years have left me agog. If it wasn't for The Daily Show, Bill Maher, Daily Kos, The Huffington Post, Al Franken, Michael Moore, and others, I swear I would have gone nuts! Is it just me?? I remember telling the people I worked with in a credit union back in 2003 that the war was a lie and unjustifiable -- I was the only one taking that stand and they ridiculed me for it! Today, the worm has turned. All that flag-waving and patriotic gibberish that was being spouted as some sort of litmus test as to if you were a real patriot or not -- those days are over. Some patriots! They lined their pockets with our savings while they stole our rights and waged war in our name. Shame. Historians will judge these dark years harshly as some of the worst in American history.

And all in the name of God! The Christian God versus the Islamic Allah versus the Judaic Yahweh. Fighting in the name of God! It sickens me to think of the twisting of a beautiful message of love and brotherhood into a justification for going to war. But it's always been that way, hasn't it? Always one group pitted against another. Forget about trying to understand and get along and compromise and compare how really alike we are in so many ways instead of looking for insurmountable differences.

Bush & his ilk are so wound up with all this "rapture" nonsense that you have the Evangelical Christians from the far right trying to send help to & buy up land in Israel so as to speed along the destruction of Jerusalem that's supposed to usher in the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Wow! Do these people believe in fairies, too, I wonder?

I used to teach on the college level before I became sick and I often had Moslem students and became close with a few. I became interested in Islam and as I taught the Humanities (& art history) and I came to understand the essential beauty of this religion -- just like all religions on the surface stand for love and the desire to live a just life. Of course, in practice, things get jarbled. But like so much in life, the good of the majority becomes tainted by the bad of the very few. Just today I heard how the conference of U.S. Catholic bishops in Baltimore decided that as a Catholic, one should not use birth control (don't even THINK of abortion!), being gay is just "disordered" and not a sin unless you act on your impulses, and if you don't buy their whole program hook, line & sinker, don't bother taking communion. Nice. Still, 96% of American Catholics just ignore this, so I see that as some hope. Still, I have tried to come back to the Church, but with such big gaps with my beliefs and their fundamental teachings, I don't think I will ever be able to do so.

I'm so bad at arguing "constructively" with conservatives -- I tend to insult when I should be able to dazzle 'em with some cold hard facts that completely blows their arguments to hell. But that's hard to do, at least for me. So much to remember. I get the general outline down, alright, but I'm a little fuzzy on the details.

More later...

Good Fats, Bad Fats

I love to read other blogs on food or gardening. Hell, I love reading blogs on politics & a lot of other subjects too. One of my favorites is "It Must Have Been Something I Ate" by Julie van Rosendaal, a very talented woman who has written two wonderful cookbooks that I find myself reaching for a lot these days: "Grazing" and "Smart Cookie." There had been some discussion on the issues surrounding fats/oils & making good choices in her latest posting. I offered up the following comment:

"Any oil contains a high amount of calories and it’s up to you to use them sparingly to control your weight. Hydrogenated or partially-hydrogenated oils are made by forcing air into the oil to produce a more stable semi-solid substance. This is done for the convenience of the food industry so that the oil they use for cooking or baking won’t go rancid as quickly as some do. Unfortunately, this process also makes the oil very bad for our bodies. But that’s just half of the issue. The type of fat or oil that you ingest is very important also, with monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats being your best sources. Saturated fats, like those from meat or dairy sources, are bad for your health because that’s the type of fat that will ultimately find its way onto the lining of your arteries and cause cardiovascular disease. Certain plant sources of oil are much better choices for your health, such as olive or canola oil. Avocadoes are full of healthy fat too. But steer clear of coconut or palm oil as they are not healthy for you and just as bad as animal fats. Instead of butter, try Smart Balance margarine, a genuinely good-for-you, tasty item.

Beans, BTW, are wonderful for your health. I saw that show with Dr. Oz on Oprah some time ago and really can’t imagine why he would have said anything against them. Maybe he meant pork and beans, which are made with a lot of sugar (actually, high fructose corn syrup, another food industry favorite that is probably one of the leading causes of obesity today. All that sugar with your beans sort of detracts from their healthy benefits, especially for diabetics and pre-diabetics. Choose plain canned beans or better yet, buy dry beans and cook them yourself for your recipes. They’re a great source of plant protein. "

I have been reading a lot about this subject lately & especially in regards to the relationship between fats/oils & insulin resistance, which, BTW, I suffer from. This is an area where the types of fats/oils you choose to take into your body can really have serious long-term repercussions to your health. Also, unless you have been living on Jupiter for the past five years and haven't heard about insulin resistance, the AMA estimates that one out of every five American adults are currently suffering from this and it is part of the current obesity epidemic that is just now coming into public focus. (Translated: This is a huge problem. Start reading up now.)

What is at stake, mainly, or at least to my limited medical knowledge, is the way that these bad fats are "helped" by elevated blood sugar levels to deposit bad cholesterol onto the interior of our arteries and cause heart attacks & strokes somewhere down the line. You have to pay attention to this NOW so you don't suffer from such dire consequences later on. What's the best way to do this? Well, first of all, ask your doctor to check your blood sugar next time you're in the office, and better yet, also check your total cholesterol levels. Next, read up on the latest science on this subject (you know, there's an awful lot of really good scientific information available for the layman to read & understand on the internet. I can point out websites if anyone is interested.)

In the meantime, go easy on the animal fats: eat only the leanest meats and cut out whole-fat dairy from your diet. Take off that poultry skin before you eat it. Instead of butter, use one of the new, healthier spreads made with canola or olive oil. But here's the good news. It seems that for people with insulin resistance, it's best that you don't cut ALL fats/oils from your diet. You actually will benefit from eating a little of the good ones. So, don't pass on the avocado on your tostada & use a little olive oil to dress your salads & vegetables. Just don't go hog wild. (Aha! A funny!)

My Surprising Seven Deadly Sins Test Results

Greed:	Very Low
Gluttony:	Low
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	High
Envy:	High
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

I thought for sure Gluttony would be high. But it is true about Sloth. I am lazy. That's why it's so out of character with me exercising as often as I have been lately. I'm surprising myself. Every day I think of having to go downstairs and walk on my treadmill before I can eat -- something I'm learning is the WRONG thing to do (we should all eat breakfast first thing in the morning). But since I stay up all night and sleep until noon or 1:00 each day, my days are all messed up. And I find if I eat something, I will want to eat more and then I won't be able to walk. I lose all energy after I eat and must sit and wait for my food to digest before I can do anything. Of course, that's a bad habit. What I should do is to eat a very little bit -- like a small bowl of cereal -- and then walk. I need to work on this. Also, I've been reading all over that we should eat small amounts every 3 or 4 hours throughout the day (but not close to bed time). It's called "grazing (see Julie? You knew what you were talking about!), not gorging." It's serves to make your metabolism work harder for you and burn more fat.

The reason all this is fresh in my mind is that I just watched a shameless bit of promotion and fundraising on our local PBS station involving a Dr. Mark Hyman, M.D., who was talking about ways to lose weight by "revving" up your metabolism. Actually, I've read most of what he had to say before in the health news service that I have set up on my home page of news, so I know that it's based on sound nutritional research. Otherwise I would have probably dismissed it as just one more lose-weight-quick formula. But the things he had to say were true. I'll try to include some of the basic information that was covered here later (I took notes).

Back in the Saddle Again...

It's been a looooong time since I last wrote anything here. And I'd apologize except I'm not sure if anyone's actually reading this. I can't say I've had any rousting comments on any of my prior entries. But I've resolved that I'm not going to write here for YOU, but for ME. Cheap therapy, maybe...but it will do. Actually, I've been re-inspired to blog again, having looked at some of the other blogs people are doing these days. Some very creative & interesting things being done out there.

So, because I haven't written since before last Halloween (!), let me catch up a bit: I'm still here!! Maybe not exactly "better"--but holding my own. One thing that I've been doing is walking on my treadmill--about 4-6 times a week, about 21-22 minutes a stretch. OK, not much, but hey, my heart is not cooperating on this project, you know? Any time I go over 23-24 minutes, I feel absolutely "flattened" later. So much so that I have to lay down and rest. I used to get a lot of heart symptoms when I do this, too--dull chest pain, palpitations--but I've started taking fish oil capsules and I have to say that I think that has helped a little. On the other hand, last Saturday I went with my 2 daughters to the Field Museum to see the current exhibition on Pompeii--a subject that has been near & dear to my heart since I was a child--and I got so tired out after walking about 2 revolutions around the main hall that I had to sit down and wait for a wheelchair to be brought to wheel me around the exhibitions. You just can't imagine how humbling it is to have to do this, but I had no other choice.

I find myself having to excuse myself a lot these days to other people for my physical limitations, and I'm not happy with that. Must I feel guilty over being ill?? Don't I have enough guilt heaped on me as it is? Guilty over being overweight, guilty over my food addiction, guilty over feeling guilty all the time! Where does this end!?! Take food... I've been reading an interesting online forum for local Chicagoland "foodies" (like myself, *blush*) called "LTH Forum" and I've had a real mind-blowing experience to discover that I am not the only person in the world to be absolutely obsessed with food! These people are totally bonkers for every minute aspect of food!! It really took off some of the pressure I felt, thinking there must be something wrong with me to think about food so much. (I have caught myself "chewing" in my sleep!) Once, many years ago, the now-much maligned, former Frugal Gourmet and pedophile, Jeff Smith once said that he thought the Chinese obsessed over food more than any other ethnic group. They weren't finished with one meal when they would mentally be planning the next one down to last detail. He also explained that they cut all their food in bite-sized pieces prior to stir-frying so that they wouldn't have to use anything more than their chopsticks to eat an entire meal--not like us in the West where one must use a "proper" fork, knife & spoon. That always seemed to me so civilized! Real foodies!!

So maybe it's OK to be a foodie after all. Of course, don't tell that to someone who isn't! You hear all these svelte, athletic types mouthing such platitudes as, "Eat to live, don't live to eat," and other such crap like that. I've always thought, poor you--you must never get to eat any really good food! Because good food is meant to be savored and enjoyed. And, my weight problems aside, that, inherently, isn't a bad thing. Unfortunately, I have some complex problem that I am sure originates on a chromosomal level, that predisposes my body to not behave optimally when it comes to food. Something that causes my body not to utilize food normally. I probably lack certain chemicals that would allow me to feel sated with smaller amounts of food. I'm also sure there is a psychological factor to all this that is learned as a young child growing up with mixed messages that your parents give you to eat, but not too much--and then to heap guilt on you when you did. So you learn stealth. Guilt breeds it. Candy bars slipped into your underwear drawer. Potato chips snuck up to your room after everyone has gone to sleep. Eating food off plates as you clean up the kitchen after dinner. It goes on and on. This can't be healthy. And it encourages eating to excess, 'cause you never know when the next time you'll be able to eat freely will be! So it snowballs.

For all of the the "Twelve Step" programs out there, I never could understand how Overeaters Anonymous could have any success. You can live without alcohol or drugs, but you can't live without food. And leaving portion control up to an addict? Forgeddaboudit! No wonder so few obese people can keep the pounds off permanently. However, I do have a lot of hope for the latest scientific research in this area to come to a greater understanding of the complexity of these problems. They have discovered the links that exist between the brain and the stomach/intestines and the role that hormones play in signaling the feeling of satiety to the brain. Patients receiving gastric bypass operations evidently have that section of their digestive system cut-off so as to stop those hormones from reaching the brain. Thus, they no longer suffer extreme hunger. In fact, many complain that they have little desire to eat and often must force themselves in order to maintain nutrition. Of course, over time, if they return to the same behaviors that brought them to obesity, their new stomachs will eventually stretch out and they will be suffering from the same problems all over again. See how complex this is?? It's that body/mind connection which makes it so difficult.

Back in the day, I went away to school in Rome on a "junior year abroad" program and lost 40 pounds doing nothing more than walking all over that beautiful city most days of the week, and eating pasta for 2 meals a day. Of course, I was 21 at the time, and, of course, I put all that weight back on and more when I returned home to the U.S. of A. and no longer had to walk any further than from my door to the car door. So I doubt whether that "diet plan" would work for me today. I'm too sick to walk great distances or fast enough to get that "aerobic" effect these days. But if I keep working at it, I'm pretty sure I can eventually work my way up to 30 minutes a day, 7 days a week (I started out being able to walk no more than 15 minutes). At least, that's my goal. Will that alone cause me to lose weight? Probably not. But I've also been trying to work on a big problem of mine: portion control. If I could cut down on the amounts I eat--or only pig out on lower caloric items, like veggies--I believe I could drop some weight. Which might mean that I'd probably feel better--some things at least would improve. So that's what my game plan is these days. On the other hand, I'm home all day long and have taken to cooking more and more. I've made some killer pizza from scratch and baked goodies from Julie van Rosendaal's, "One Smart Cookie" cookbook. So, I'm far from having a halo around my head quite yet.

Illness & Food

Had one of those moments of crystal-clear realization tonight...regarding just how sick I am & how it came about. Funny, you don't really look at something when you're in it, living it all the time. But tonight it sort of became clear for me all of a sudden as I was thinking back on some friends of mine that passed away a few years ago. I was thinking back to a time when we were all together in the adjunct instructors office at the college & we were talking about things without any possible realization that in very few months 2 out of the 3 of us would be alive no more. (I still can't believe they're gone, if you want to know that truth.) That I'm alive & they're gone amazes me, sometimes.

This was back in about 2000. I was already showing signs that all was not right with my heart. I had felt increasingly out of breath until once when I was in the hospital for an overnight stay to check on my sleep apnea that my lack of O2 showed up on one of their measuring instruments. I was down about 86% O2 saturation. anything over, say 96%, is considered normal. I think my doctor was stunned by this discovery, although I had been telling him that I felt out of breath all the time. He had thought it was just part of my weight issues, & never put me on a meter in the office to find out.

I was having problems with the Achilles tendon in my left leg, so I was already walking very guardedly to protect it, as I was afraid it was going to snap & I would be forced to have surgery to repair it. So I walked a little more carefully. Going up stair were a problem, so I always tried to use the elevator to avoid this extra strain. I was teaching classes--up to 4 a semester, part-time--and also working part-time at the credit union. I had just divorced a few years ago & had no safety net. I had to work, & so I juggled all I could in my life just to keep things going.

From that time on, my heart steadily declined, until I am where I am today. I had to quit teaching in 2002. Now I'm at home, living on disability, & quite limited in what I can & can't do. Mostly, I feel really wretched...body-wise. I must take many medications & the side effects are formidable. I feel like awful. Now I'm not telling you all this, dear reader, to garner your sympathy or anything like that. Actually, tonight I am mainly trying to work out the chronology of how I came to be like this. Like I said, it's difficult to be able to assess a situation when you're living it.

Next, to add to my list of health problems came the diabetes, & then the muscle problems in my legs. At first, I didn't pay much attention to the lack of strength I was feeling...I thought that this was part of the problems with my heart, that it limited my muscular strength as well. And to a certain point I'm sure that's true. But as this weakness increased, I was forced to examine it more & more. So I underwent a battery of tests & diagnosed a form of muscular dystrophy: inclusion-body myositis. Well. Ok. Now what? Not much I can do. It's slow-moving, thankfully, & I'm trying to exercise to, first, aid my heart, but also to work those thigh muscles daily. I suffer some muscular pain that I assume is connected to this, but this is no where as great a problem to me as the arthritis that I now suffer in my hips & knees. Sometimes, quite regularly, actually, it will wake me up from a sound sleep until I must wake up & change positions or take some acetominophen. This arthritis comes as part of the aging process, but certainly more because of the extra weight that I carry & have carried for most of my adult life. I've done this to myself.

But for the first time in my life, I am exercising on a regular basis. At least 5 days out of the week, 20 minutes on the treadmill. 20 minutes seem like nothing to you? Hoo-hoo!! It took me ages to get past 15 minutes! And it is helping. My legs hurt less often & I can feel a gradual lessening of my belly fat (something that is very important to heart health, actually). I've even lost a few pounds. And it's funny, you know, because I feel so guilty if I miss a day. Drives me crazy with guilt! I get up in the morning (or P.M., sometimes), drink some tea & head downstairs to walk, most days. Having the TV right there makes it great because I don't think I'd be able to keep this up without something to put my mind on while walking. It IS boring! But it is also good for my heart, & that's a huge criteria for me in what I can accept & keep in my life these days. I'm on a mission of survival.

This is what what I eat is so important as well. Food as medicine. It IS! And if you think it isn't, have another 64 oz. slurpy & let's have this talk again in 15 years. I am wracked with guilt about eating foods containing white flour or sugar, these days. I try to counter-balance this by eating the RIGHT foods most of the time. But it is hard. Especially for me, as an acknowledged food addict. Being a foodie aside, I also have a definite addiction here. And one that I won't be able to stop! So I have t0 learn to deal with food. And right now I'm coming to recognize--through keeping a food journal--my problems lie mainly in portion control. Of course, I could watch what goes through my lips a little better, but all in all, I have a pretty good handle on what I eat. Now if I could just do with less of it. But keeping the journal helps me to stay real (although sometimes I get sloppy & lapse a few days).

More about food choices later...

The Holidays

I'm already thinking about the menus coming up. We've got my cousin from CA & her family coming for Thanksgiving, & I'm already formulating the perfect feast for that. But an Instant Message conversation that I just had with my nephew in Japan brought me back to holidays with my family when I was a little girl. Even though my parents were both avowed atheists (they had both gone through Catholic grade school), Christmas was a big deal -- food wise. And my father's Italian traditions were duplicated as well as could be expected in our big, new suburban home. After all, this was probably the first generation of his family ever to break the cycle of real poverty and to make it to the middle class, so even if our holidays lacked a religious context, they tried to compensate by going overboard with the food. And it was something incredible to behold!

Christmas Eve (La Vigilia to some Italians) was a non-meat designated day, & by God, even my atheist parents followed it. So all the courses had to be fish-based. My dad would prepare for this the week before by going around from store to store where he knew the freshest fish & seafood could be found, & sometimes I came along for the ride. There was always a "white" pasta course -- spaghetti al'olio -- a simple pasta dish dressed with olive oil & garlic & parsley. And then came the seafood. Baccala -- dried codfish -- which had to be soaked for days, changing the water several times. Then came the octopus & squid. This took a lot of time to clean as they often came frozen in a solid block of ice. I remember helping to strip the membrane-like skin from the squid, pull out a "plastic"-looking piece & cutting them into rings & tentacles. Then there were the shrimp & lobsters. (Funny thing: days after cleaning these, the top layer of skin on my hands would begin to peel off!) Again, labor-intensive, with the vein that runs along the back of the shrimp having to be cut out. There might be some oysters, clams or mussels, depending on what was available at the fish store. And I remember one Christmas where he had bought a box or bag full of snails & put them into the refrigerator, only to discover later that they had somehow gotten out & were climbing all over the interior, to my mother's chagrin. Then came the courses of various types of swimming fish -- whatever looked good & caught my father's eye at the time.

Generally, it was agreed that there had to be at least 7 fish courses among the Italian Catholics (or maybe 9), but my dad didn't feel pressed to observe this. He just wanted to present a bounty to his family & friends on that day. Late in his life I remember that he had discovered a recipe for a new fish stew that was creating a sensation in San Francisco at that time -- Cioppino. It was a bouillabaisse-like creation full of all sorts of seafood, & he was years ahead of anyone around here in finding it.

Now you might think that I was enjoying all these dishes too, but nothing could be farther from the truth. At the time, I complained bitterly that we weren't eating what "normal" people would eat for Christmas, and why couldn't I have a hot dog or something? I wasn't eating that weird stuff! All I would eat was the spaghetti, & maybe a shrimp or two, or a little fish. That was it. Later, when I was 16 & in Spain with my mother, I had some mussels & got deathly ill in a hotel room overnight, & we had to call in a doctor. From that point on, I determined never to eat any sort of mussel, clam or oyster because it seemed that I might have some food allergy to them. As I look back on this now, it's probably more likely that I just had a bad mussel in that stew, & got sick from that. But I'm not really willing to try again at this late date because I really, really hate to be sick to my stomach.

Christmas Day was better, in my eyes. There'd be a flashy pasta dish -- something with tomato "gravy" (as my father always called the sauce) -- maybe lasagna, ravioli of ricotta & spinach, or potato gnocchi. This was served with whatever meats went into the making of the gravy (which was a 2-day affair, by the way), usually pork neckbones, or meatballs, Italian sausage, a piece of beef, bracciole, a chicken, etc. Then the main meat course, which might be a large beef roast, roasted cornish hens or chickens, or something like that. Something flashy. Then came the side dishes, always including a salad dressed as my father always did, with olive oil, red wine vinegar, garlic, salt & a little oregano. These would also include roast potatoes and other vegetable dishes. There would be Italian bread & a gallon of good, basic red wine which was served in small juice glasses rather than in wine glasses (In fact, I remember we used the glasses that small shrimp cocktails came in). My step-grandfather's glass kept getting refilled a lot, as I recall.

In the midst of all of this, my father was officiating over everything, just like a conductor leads an orchestra. Everything had to be perfect, and he was clearly pleased with himself. I was 10 or less, at the time, & thought this would never end. Within 3 years, he was gone. I think back on those times & remember little bits & snatches of the music he'd have on the hi-fi (Mario Lanza or some Christmas music), the Christmas tree upstairs (which he always decorated like a big kid), my presents (the pink mohair sweater & "ghillies" shoes), my cousins & I running around & playing with Barbies. The colorful Christmas candies filled with some sort of jam, the antipasto which included black olives which us kids would "wear" on our fingers, the bubbling, excited feeling I got for this day & how fast it was over! By the end of the day, I melted into my bed like a blob of warm mozzarella. I had had enough partying for a while.

We don't realize just how much our children are recording all that goes on around them on these important event days. How much they retain! It's important to keep that in mind & try to build on those memories by keeping them happy ones (if possible). Today, my children & our immediate family have started to come together each week at least one day of the weekend to cook & eat together, & it's been really nice for everyone. I'm sick, my mom's 83... who knows how much longer any of us really have here together. It just makes sense to get together as a family. It's not always sweetness & light either -- there's been some arguing (mostly my mom & I), but nothing serious. It comforts me to have my kids around me & I hope these family traditions will live on with them & their kids. We made gnocchi last Saturday together. It was nice. But just wait until Christmas. This year: bigger & better!

Food Journal

I've been keeping a food journal on & off since the beginning of August. At first, I missed a lot of days, but later on when I got into the habit of it & realized it was actually good for me to know what I was eating, I've been doing it every day. For one thing, it makes you think before you pop something in your mouth. Even though the doctor who asked me to do this (a cool cardiologist -- if you're reading this, hi!) didn't tell me to change my eating very much--she knows I have a good sense of nutrition -- it DID make me aware of my problems with portion control and what it was that I'm eating. Here, I always prided myself of really knowing about which foods were good for you & which were bad, I have come to see that I'm not following my own rules very well. For one thing, even though I make a concerted effort to get in several servings of fruits every day, there have been long stretches when I don't take in any vegetables other than a sandwich or an ocassional sliced tomato with eggs in the morning. So much for being so smart!

I have also come to realize that it's hard to eat all the things that you're supposed to within a 24-hr. period. And can I say it? It's sometimes boring, too. Yes. Boring. Fruits & vegetables, fruits & vegetables... what do I look like? A squirrel? I want goodies sometimes, and I want carbs & meat most of the time. Sorry, but it's true. I especially crave rare red meat. My Paleolithic genes are kicking in. And carbs? Gnocchi, pastas of all cuts & sizes, Chinese fried rice, Italian bread, flour tortillas... Not much fiber or whole grains there. Aarrgh!!

OK, ok. I know that for me with my myriad health problems, I have better get with the program & eat right, exercise daily & get some of this weight off or I won't be around to enjoy any foods any more. And I do so enjoy food. For so many years I felt guilty about loving food as much as I do. But now that I discovered the Food Network and the many "foodie" blogs online, I know I'm not alone! There's a lot of people like me out there who really love to eat & think about it often (some, very often). So why be ashamed of it? Were the Chinese ashamed of their preoccupation with food as they developed so many wonderful dishes over the centuries? No way! They took food to a new height as an art form -- cutting each bit of vegetable or meat to be exactly mouth-sized so as to maximize the eating pleasure. I have even caught myself dreaming about food on several occasions & even chew (!!) in my sleep. Yes, chewing, & the dentist showed me the wear present on my top front teeth interiors from doing so. So '86' the guilt & let's look at food in a new light -- seeing as we can't go without it.

So, my new plan is to increase the veggies & work on portion control. I'm sure all my problems with food would be enough to spend a few years on a psychiatrist's couch to work out the reasons why I feel I have this "void" to fill within me with food. When it comes to food, I lack objectivity. I have this feeling that it's my god-given right to eat that piece of pie. And if you want to ban it from me, then you don't really love me. Sounds a little like I'm stuck in childhood, doesn't it?

It's hard to make real changes in life. Damn hard, but not impossible. I gave up putting white sugar in my tea when I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. Now, I'm super-sensitive to sweet things. Salt, too. I lightened up my use of salt with my high blood pressure & water retention problems. So now I can't eat a normal cracker without it tasting too salty. I've gone to the low-sodium type. And I'm still standing! We drink only 1% milk at home, & I suspect that we could go to skim milk if we really had to, but I have a teenager still in the house who loves cereal & milk & it might be hard for him to adapt.

To add to my problems comes the issue of Metabolic Syndrome. BIG controversy raging over this right now, between the diabetes doctors and the heart specialists. Basically, it's a turf war. Which group has dibs on this condition. The endocrinologists say they do -- after all, it's mainly an issue of blood glucose levels. Cardiologists say, not so fast. This group of health problems can affect the heart & circulatory system without the individual ever knowing what hit him. In fact, they now think this accounts for a large number of heart attacks. But however you want to slice it, this stuff is nasty & everyone who has a problem with a large "middle" ought to google it right now & get informed. You may have it. Or be well on your way to getting it.

Here's what it is: (basically)
1. High blood pressure
2. Type II Diabetes or Insulin Resistence (a whole 'nother story)
3. Abnormal cholesterol -- high triglycerides & low HDL
4. "Trunkal obesity" -- a big stomach (apple-shaped, rather than pear-shaped)
Put them all together & they spell TROUBLE for you. Find out more about it if any of these fit.

What can be done about it? Diet & Exercise. Same ol', same ol'. That's it. That's basically the bottom line. Sure, they've got medications for diabetes & high blood pressure & the newer "statin" drugs for cholesterol reduction, but diet & exercise is the key for really reversing it. And losing weight. Which is what started me off on this direction in the first place. I'm not going to say how much I have to lose, but I'll be happy to report any successes with you. My first goal is 10% of my current body weight. Since I've been food journaling, I've lost 4 lbs. Just for writing it down each day. So it's a start. And don't even think of leaving off that cookie! Tell the truth. You're only cheating yourself.

Minestrone/Minestra

1. Meat
2. Beans
3. Greens
4. Vegetables
5. Pasta or rice
6. Cheese

What’s not to love about this most famous of Italian soups? Nutritionally speaking, it’s got it all. Frugally speaking, it’s a good way to clean out your refrigerator of all those leftovers & odds & ends that you’d probably wind up throwing away in a week. And it goes to a very good cause. A food that is close to perfect—well, depending on what you put in it. Of course, if you load it up with fatty meats or sausage or bacon, and loads of cheese, then you’ve defeated the purpose. But if you’re careful, and wise, you can produce a food that keeps on giving & evolving as the week goes on. On Sunday, it may be minestrone, but by the week’s end, it may become minestra (sort of a stew) as it thickens & you add things. With a loaf of crusty, whole grain bread and a salad, you’ve got a quick & easy & very healthy meal. Or, it may just be the soup course in a larger meal. See how versatile it is? I love it!

But I have to admit that I didn’t always love minestrone. As a kid, I hated it. It was full of boring vegetables & there were always some big red beans in there to ruin it for me. I just couldn’t see why adults went so gaga over it. But now, as an adult, I understand better & my tastes have changed. I know that this food is good for me. That the sum total of all of its parts has the properties that my body really needs for optimal health. Besides, now that I’m in charge of the kitchen, I can decide what to put in it—and what not. I can avoid the items that I or my family doesn’t like, and be sure to add the things that we do. And I can make sure it tastes good.

I've changed a lot about how I view food over the past few years. Things that I would eat with wonton abandon years ago, I can no longer have, not that I am ill. I have gotten to the point that I feel really guilty when I'm eating things that I know are made with (for example) white flour or white sugar, so that I can't really enjoy them anymore. I know that sounds a little neurotic... After all, it's only food. But I've come to view food as a sort of "therapeutic agent." It not only nourishes, it can also heal. Yes, food as medicine. And when you're ill, you take that pretty seriously, let me tell you.

As for recipes, check out any Italian cookbook for a basic one to follow & then adapt it to your own tastes. You really can't go wrong. (Do you really think all those Italian mamas over in Italy are consulting cookbooks on how to make soup?!) Mario Batali has a good one at the end of his "Holiday Food" book. Make a steaming pot of soup today as the weather is changing & it gets colder. It can really make you feel good!