THE WAR IS OVER... (continued)
This is a continuation of my rantings last night. They were actually part of an email I sent to a fellow blogger as we discussing some comments written by a rather conservative reader. I wrote a rather vitriolic comment which was removed, as it should have. The following was intended to explain why I wrote what I did. The name has been changed.
I'm glad we're on the same side here on this. I admire your ability to keep your head in these discussions. I just can't anymore. These past 6 years have been very hard for me & it's made me realize just how intolerant I am! I've come to the conclusion that I just don't think I could maintain any close relationships with people if I know they're politically on the right. I know...that's pretty bad of me, but I'm being honest here. Just like I couldn't respect anyone who chooses to believe in Creationism over Darwinism anymore. Or even religious extremists of the Evangelical persuasion (actually, any religion).
I've barely held onto my sanity through reading my leftie political blogs, watching The Daily Show, Bill Maher, Keith Olbermann, listening to Al Franken, reading Daily Kos & Huffington Post, or Michael Moore. I have a chronic illness so I stay home a lot & these were my lifelines. For reals.
The Carols of this world in all their self-righteous self-deluded smugness about their media-fed vision of this country have had their time & it's over! They screwed things up royally, remember? Why shouldn't we call them on it? They've brought this world to the brink of disaster -- warfare, terrorism, pollution, global warming, etc etc... you name it!
I've lost my cool. I wish I could be more like you, but I can't. I'm too old for this. I marched against the war in Vietnam many, many years ago. I was in Chicago for the 1968 Democratic Convention. I witnessed first-hand all this shit back then and here we are living through a new "fresh hell".
So now you know where I'm coming from a little better. People like Carol will never see the world accurately as it really is. They would self-destruct if they did. Looking at her blog, her feelings are all wrapped up with her father having served in the military & her nice, neat little vanilla-scented Republican world. If they really saw this war for what it was they would unravel. I've seen this with people who have a loved one serving over there. They HAVE to keep up the illusion that this is a matter of honor to serve our country, blah, blah, blah. They were saying the same things back in the 60s with Vietnam ("My country, right or wrong..."). Damn! Won't we ever learn???
Listen, thanks for letting me spew all this madness out here in this email. It was actually very therapeutic! I'm really pretty fairly sane & balanced about most other things... really I am! I think this stuff is what has caused me to seek refuge in my garden & growing things; to create beautiful art & wonderful food. To look to the deeper meanings of life. To the important stuff. The rest is fluff anyway. Life is about love & family & our kids (my are all pretty grown up now). Just like it was for the poor Iraqis, once upon a time.
Take care & keep writing. You're doing a good job. Keep in touch if you'd like. I'm here.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
THE WAR IS OVER...
Or at least, it will be. Soon, I hope. The Democrats know that this is what the American people voted them in to do. I hope they get it right or the ca-ca will really hit the fan in 2008.
The past 6 years have left me agog. If it wasn't for The Daily Show, Bill Maher, Daily Kos, The Huffington Post, Al Franken, Michael Moore, and others, I swear I would have gone nuts! Is it just me?? I remember telling the people I worked with in a credit union back in 2003 that the war was a lie and unjustifiable -- I was the only one taking that stand and they ridiculed me for it! Today, the worm has turned. All that flag-waving and patriotic gibberish that was being spouted as some sort of litmus test as to if you were a real patriot or not -- those days are over. Some patriots! They lined their pockets with our savings while they stole our rights and waged war in our name. Shame. Historians will judge these dark years harshly as some of the worst in American history.
And all in the name of God! The Christian God versus the Islamic Allah versus the Judaic Yahweh. Fighting in the name of God! It sickens me to think of the twisting of a beautiful message of love and brotherhood into a justification for going to war. But it's always been that way, hasn't it? Always one group pitted against another. Forget about trying to understand and get along and compromise and compare how really alike we are in so many ways instead of looking for insurmountable differences.
Bush & his ilk are so wound up with all this "rapture" nonsense that you have the Evangelical Christians from the far right trying to send help to & buy up land in Israel so as to speed along the destruction of Jerusalem that's supposed to usher in the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Wow! Do these people believe in fairies, too, I wonder?
I used to teach on the college level before I became sick and I often had Moslem students and became close with a few. I became interested in Islam and as I taught the Humanities (& art history) and I came to understand the essential beauty of this religion -- just like all religions on the surface stand for love and the desire to live a just life. Of course, in practice, things get jarbled. But like so much in life, the good of the majority becomes tainted by the bad of the very few. Just today I heard how the conference of U.S. Catholic bishops in Baltimore decided that as a Catholic, one should not use birth control (don't even THINK of abortion!), being gay is just "disordered" and not a sin unless you act on your impulses, and if you don't buy their whole program hook, line & sinker, don't bother taking communion. Nice. Still, 96% of American Catholics just ignore this, so I see that as some hope. Still, I have tried to come back to the Church, but with such big gaps with my beliefs and their fundamental teachings, I don't think I will ever be able to do so.
I'm so bad at arguing "constructively" with conservatives -- I tend to insult when I should be able to dazzle 'em with some cold hard facts that completely blows their arguments to hell. But that's hard to do, at least for me. So much to remember. I get the general outline down, alright, but I'm a little fuzzy on the details.
More later...
Or at least, it will be. Soon, I hope. The Democrats know that this is what the American people voted them in to do. I hope they get it right or the ca-ca will really hit the fan in 2008.
The past 6 years have left me agog. If it wasn't for The Daily Show, Bill Maher, Daily Kos, The Huffington Post, Al Franken, Michael Moore, and others, I swear I would have gone nuts! Is it just me?? I remember telling the people I worked with in a credit union back in 2003 that the war was a lie and unjustifiable -- I was the only one taking that stand and they ridiculed me for it! Today, the worm has turned. All that flag-waving and patriotic gibberish that was being spouted as some sort of litmus test as to if you were a real patriot or not -- those days are over. Some patriots! They lined their pockets with our savings while they stole our rights and waged war in our name. Shame. Historians will judge these dark years harshly as some of the worst in American history.
And all in the name of God! The Christian God versus the Islamic Allah versus the Judaic Yahweh. Fighting in the name of God! It sickens me to think of the twisting of a beautiful message of love and brotherhood into a justification for going to war. But it's always been that way, hasn't it? Always one group pitted against another. Forget about trying to understand and get along and compromise and compare how really alike we are in so many ways instead of looking for insurmountable differences.
Bush & his ilk are so wound up with all this "rapture" nonsense that you have the Evangelical Christians from the far right trying to send help to & buy up land in Israel so as to speed along the destruction of Jerusalem that's supposed to usher in the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Wow! Do these people believe in fairies, too, I wonder?
I used to teach on the college level before I became sick and I often had Moslem students and became close with a few. I became interested in Islam and as I taught the Humanities (& art history) and I came to understand the essential beauty of this religion -- just like all religions on the surface stand for love and the desire to live a just life. Of course, in practice, things get jarbled. But like so much in life, the good of the majority becomes tainted by the bad of the very few. Just today I heard how the conference of U.S. Catholic bishops in Baltimore decided that as a Catholic, one should not use birth control (don't even THINK of abortion!), being gay is just "disordered" and not a sin unless you act on your impulses, and if you don't buy their whole program hook, line & sinker, don't bother taking communion. Nice. Still, 96% of American Catholics just ignore this, so I see that as some hope. Still, I have tried to come back to the Church, but with such big gaps with my beliefs and their fundamental teachings, I don't think I will ever be able to do so.
I'm so bad at arguing "constructively" with conservatives -- I tend to insult when I should be able to dazzle 'em with some cold hard facts that completely blows their arguments to hell. But that's hard to do, at least for me. So much to remember. I get the general outline down, alright, but I'm a little fuzzy on the details.
More later...
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Good Fats, Bad Fats
I love to read other blogs on food or gardening. Hell, I love reading blogs on politics & a lot of other subjects too. One of my favorites is "It Must Have Been Something I Ate" by Julie van Rosendaal, a very talented woman who has written two wonderful cookbooks that I find myself reaching for a lot these days: "Grazing" and "Smart Cookie." There had been some discussion on the issues surrounding fats/oils & making good choices in her latest posting. I offered up the following comment:
"Any oil contains a high amount of calories and it’s up to you to use them sparingly to control your weight. Hydrogenated or partially-hydrogenated oils are made by forcing air into the oil to produce a more stable semi-solid substance. This is done for the convenience of the food industry so that the oil they use for cooking or baking won’t go rancid as quickly as some do. Unfortunately, this process also makes the oil very bad for our bodies. But that’s just half of the issue. The type of fat or oil that you ingest is very important also, with monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats being your best sources. Saturated fats, like those from meat or dairy sources, are bad for your health because that’s the type of fat that will ultimately find its way onto the lining of your arteries and cause cardiovascular disease. Certain plant sources of oil are much better choices for your health, such as olive or canola oil. Avocadoes are full of healthy fat too. But steer clear of coconut or palm oil as they are not healthy for you and just as bad as animal fats. Instead of butter, try Smart Balance margarine, a genuinely good-for-you, tasty item.
Beans, BTW, are wonderful for your health. I saw that show with Dr. Oz on Oprah some time ago and really can’t imagine why he would have said anything against them. Maybe he meant pork and beans, which are made with a lot of sugar (actually, high fructose corn syrup, another food industry favorite that is probably one of the leading causes of obesity today. All that sugar with your beans sort of detracts from their healthy benefits, especially for diabetics and pre-diabetics. Choose plain canned beans or better yet, buy dry beans and cook them yourself for your recipes. They’re a great source of plant protein. "
I have been reading a lot about this subject lately & especially in regards to the relationship between fats/oils & insulin resistance, which, BTW, I suffer from. This is an area where the types of fats/oils you choose to take into your body can really have serious long-term repercussions to your health. Also, unless you have been living on Jupiter for the past five years and haven't heard about insulin resistance, the AMA estimates that one out of every five American adults are currently suffering from this and it is part of the current obesity epidemic that is just now coming into public focus. (Translated: This is a huge problem. Start reading up now.)
What is at stake, mainly, or at least to my limited medical knowledge, is the way that these bad fats are "helped" by elevated blood sugar levels to deposit bad cholesterol onto the interior of our arteries and cause heart attacks & strokes somewhere down the line. You have to pay attention to this NOW so you don't suffer from such dire consequences later on. What's the best way to do this? Well, first of all, ask your doctor to check your blood sugar next time you're in the office, and better yet, also check your total cholesterol levels. Next, read up on the latest science on this subject (you know, there's an awful lot of really good scientific information available for the layman to read & understand on the internet. I can point out websites if anyone is interested.)
In the meantime, go easy on the animal fats: eat only the leanest meats and cut out whole-fat dairy from your diet. Take off that poultry skin before you eat it. Instead of butter, use one of the new, healthier spreads made with canola or olive oil. But here's the good news. It seems that for people with insulin resistance, it's best that you don't cut ALL fats/oils from your diet. You actually will benefit from eating a little of the good ones. So, don't pass on the avocado on your tostada & use a little olive oil to dress your salads & vegetables. Just don't go hog wild. (Aha! A funny!)
I love to read other blogs on food or gardening. Hell, I love reading blogs on politics & a lot of other subjects too. One of my favorites is "It Must Have Been Something I Ate" by Julie van Rosendaal, a very talented woman who has written two wonderful cookbooks that I find myself reaching for a lot these days: "Grazing" and "Smart Cookie." There had been some discussion on the issues surrounding fats/oils & making good choices in her latest posting. I offered up the following comment:
"Any oil contains a high amount of calories and it’s up to you to use them sparingly to control your weight. Hydrogenated or partially-hydrogenated oils are made by forcing air into the oil to produce a more stable semi-solid substance. This is done for the convenience of the food industry so that the oil they use for cooking or baking won’t go rancid as quickly as some do. Unfortunately, this process also makes the oil very bad for our bodies. But that’s just half of the issue. The type of fat or oil that you ingest is very important also, with monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats being your best sources. Saturated fats, like those from meat or dairy sources, are bad for your health because that’s the type of fat that will ultimately find its way onto the lining of your arteries and cause cardiovascular disease. Certain plant sources of oil are much better choices for your health, such as olive or canola oil. Avocadoes are full of healthy fat too. But steer clear of coconut or palm oil as they are not healthy for you and just as bad as animal fats. Instead of butter, try Smart Balance margarine, a genuinely good-for-you, tasty item.
Beans, BTW, are wonderful for your health. I saw that show with Dr. Oz on Oprah some time ago and really can’t imagine why he would have said anything against them. Maybe he meant pork and beans, which are made with a lot of sugar (actually, high fructose corn syrup, another food industry favorite that is probably one of the leading causes of obesity today. All that sugar with your beans sort of detracts from their healthy benefits, especially for diabetics and pre-diabetics. Choose plain canned beans or better yet, buy dry beans and cook them yourself for your recipes. They’re a great source of plant protein. "
I have been reading a lot about this subject lately & especially in regards to the relationship between fats/oils & insulin resistance, which, BTW, I suffer from. This is an area where the types of fats/oils you choose to take into your body can really have serious long-term repercussions to your health. Also, unless you have been living on Jupiter for the past five years and haven't heard about insulin resistance, the AMA estimates that one out of every five American adults are currently suffering from this and it is part of the current obesity epidemic that is just now coming into public focus. (Translated: This is a huge problem. Start reading up now.)
What is at stake, mainly, or at least to my limited medical knowledge, is the way that these bad fats are "helped" by elevated blood sugar levels to deposit bad cholesterol onto the interior of our arteries and cause heart attacks & strokes somewhere down the line. You have to pay attention to this NOW so you don't suffer from such dire consequences later on. What's the best way to do this? Well, first of all, ask your doctor to check your blood sugar next time you're in the office, and better yet, also check your total cholesterol levels. Next, read up on the latest science on this subject (you know, there's an awful lot of really good scientific information available for the layman to read & understand on the internet. I can point out websites if anyone is interested.)
In the meantime, go easy on the animal fats: eat only the leanest meats and cut out whole-fat dairy from your diet. Take off that poultry skin before you eat it. Instead of butter, use one of the new, healthier spreads made with canola or olive oil. But here's the good news. It seems that for people with insulin resistance, it's best that you don't cut ALL fats/oils from your diet. You actually will benefit from eating a little of the good ones. So, don't pass on the avocado on your tostada & use a little olive oil to dress your salads & vegetables. Just don't go hog wild. (Aha! A funny!)
Thursday, March 16, 2006
My Surprising Seven Deadly Sins Test Results
Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz
I thought for sure Gluttony would be high. But it is true about Sloth. I am lazy. That's why it's so out of character with me exercising as often as I have been lately. I'm surprising myself. Every day I think of having to go downstairs and walk on my treadmill before I can eat -- something I'm learning is the WRONG thing to do (we should all eat breakfast first thing in the morning). But since I stay up all night and sleep until noon or 1:00 each day, my days are all messed up. And I find if I eat something, I will want to eat more and then I won't be able to walk. I lose all energy after I eat and must sit and wait for my food to digest before I can do anything. Of course, that's a bad habit. What I should do is to eat a very little bit -- like a small bowl of cereal -- and then walk. I need to work on this. Also, I've been reading all over that we should eat small amounts every 3 or 4 hours throughout the day (but not close to bed time). It's called "grazing (see Julie? You knew what you were talking about!), not gorging." It's serves to make your metabolism work harder for you and burn more fat.
The reason all this is fresh in my mind is that I just watched a shameless bit of promotion and fundraising on our local PBS station involving a Dr. Mark Hyman, M.D., who was talking about ways to lose weight by "revving" up your metabolism. Actually, I've read most of what he had to say before in the health news service that I have set up on my home page of news, so I know that it's based on sound nutritional research. Otherwise I would have probably dismissed it as just one more lose-weight-quick formula. But the things he had to say were true. I'll try to include some of the basic information that was covered here later (I took notes).
| Greed: | Very Low | |
| Gluttony: | Low | |
| Wrath: | Medium | |
| Sloth: | High | |
| Envy: | High | |
| Lust: | Very Low | |
| Pride: | High |
Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz
I thought for sure Gluttony would be high. But it is true about Sloth. I am lazy. That's why it's so out of character with me exercising as often as I have been lately. I'm surprising myself. Every day I think of having to go downstairs and walk on my treadmill before I can eat -- something I'm learning is the WRONG thing to do (we should all eat breakfast first thing in the morning). But since I stay up all night and sleep until noon or 1:00 each day, my days are all messed up. And I find if I eat something, I will want to eat more and then I won't be able to walk. I lose all energy after I eat and must sit and wait for my food to digest before I can do anything. Of course, that's a bad habit. What I should do is to eat a very little bit -- like a small bowl of cereal -- and then walk. I need to work on this. Also, I've been reading all over that we should eat small amounts every 3 or 4 hours throughout the day (but not close to bed time). It's called "grazing (see Julie? You knew what you were talking about!), not gorging." It's serves to make your metabolism work harder for you and burn more fat.
The reason all this is fresh in my mind is that I just watched a shameless bit of promotion and fundraising on our local PBS station involving a Dr. Mark Hyman, M.D., who was talking about ways to lose weight by "revving" up your metabolism. Actually, I've read most of what he had to say before in the health news service that I have set up on my home page of news, so I know that it's based on sound nutritional research. Otherwise I would have probably dismissed it as just one more lose-weight-quick formula. But the things he had to say were true. I'll try to include some of the basic information that was covered here later (I took notes).
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Back in the Saddle Again...
It's been a looooong time since I last wrote anything here. And I'd apologize except I'm not sure if anyone's actually reading this. I can't say I've had any rousting comments on any of my prior entries. But I've resolved that I'm not going to write here for YOU, but for ME. Cheap therapy, maybe...but it will do. Actually, I've been re-inspired to blog again, having looked at some of the other blogs people are doing these days. Some very creative & interesting things being done out there.
So, because I haven't written since before last Halloween (!), let me catch up a bit: I'm still here!! Maybe not exactly "better"--but holding my own. One thing that I've been doing is walking on my treadmill--about 4-6 times a week, about 21-22 minutes a stretch. OK, not much, but hey, my heart is not cooperating on this project, you know? Any time I go over 23-24 minutes, I feel absolutely "flattened" later. So much so that I have to lay down and rest. I used to get a lot of heart symptoms when I do this, too--dull chest pain, palpitations--but I've started taking fish oil capsules and I have to say that I think that has helped a little. On the other hand, last Saturday I went with my 2 daughters to the Field Museum to see the current exhibition on Pompeii--a subject that has been near & dear to my heart since I was a child--and I got so tired out after walking about 2 revolutions around the main hall that I had to sit down and wait for a wheelchair to be brought to wheel me around the exhibitions. You just can't imagine how humbling it is to have to do this, but I had no other choice.
I find myself having to excuse myself a lot these days to other people for my physical limitations, and I'm not happy with that. Must I feel guilty over being ill?? Don't I have enough guilt heaped on me as it is? Guilty over being overweight, guilty over my food addiction, guilty over feeling guilty all the time! Where does this end!?! Take food... I've been reading an interesting online forum for local Chicagoland "foodies" (like myself, *blush*) called "LTH Forum" and I've had a real mind-blowing experience to discover that I am not the only person in the world to be absolutely obsessed with food! These people are totally bonkers for every minute aspect of food!! It really took off some of the pressure I felt, thinking there must be something wrong with me to think about food so much. (I have caught myself "chewing" in my sleep!) Once, many years ago, the now-much maligned, former Frugal Gourmet and pedophile, Jeff Smith once said that he thought the Chinese obsessed over food more than any other ethnic group. They weren't finished with one meal when they would mentally be planning the next one down to last detail. He also explained that they cut all their food in bite-sized pieces prior to stir-frying so that they wouldn't have to use anything more than their chopsticks to eat an entire meal--not like us in the West where one must use a "proper" fork, knife & spoon. That always seemed to me so civilized! Real foodies!!
So maybe it's OK to be a foodie after all. Of course, don't tell that to someone who isn't! You hear all these svelte, athletic types mouthing such platitudes as, "Eat to live, don't live to eat," and other such crap like that. I've always thought, poor you--you must never get to eat any really good food! Because good food is meant to be savored and enjoyed. And, my weight problems aside, that, inherently, isn't a bad thing. Unfortunately, I have some complex problem that I am sure originates on a chromosomal level, that predisposes my body to not behave optimally when it comes to food. Something that causes my body not to utilize food normally. I probably lack certain chemicals that would allow me to feel sated with smaller amounts of food. I'm also sure there is a psychological factor to all this that is learned as a young child growing up with mixed messages that your parents give you to eat, but not too much--and then to heap guilt on you when you did. So you learn stealth. Guilt breeds it. Candy bars slipped into your underwear drawer. Potato chips snuck up to your room after everyone has gone to sleep. Eating food off plates as you clean up the kitchen after dinner. It goes on and on. This can't be healthy. And it encourages eating to excess, 'cause you never know when the next time you'll be able to eat freely will be! So it snowballs.
For all of the the "Twelve Step" programs out there, I never could understand how Overeaters Anonymous could have any success. You can live without alcohol or drugs, but you can't live without food. And leaving portion control up to an addict? Forgeddaboudit! No wonder so few obese people can keep the pounds off permanently. However, I do have a lot of hope for the latest scientific research in this area to come to a greater understanding of the complexity of these problems. They have discovered the links that exist between the brain and the stomach/intestines and the role that hormones play in signaling the feeling of satiety to the brain. Patients receiving gastric bypass operations evidently have that section of their digestive system cut-off so as to stop those hormones from reaching the brain. Thus, they no longer suffer extreme hunger. In fact, many complain that they have little desire to eat and often must force themselves in order to maintain nutrition. Of course, over time, if they return to the same behaviors that brought them to obesity, their new stomachs will eventually stretch out and they will be suffering from the same problems all over again. See how complex this is?? It's that body/mind connection which makes it so difficult.
Back in the day, I went away to school in Rome on a "junior year abroad" program and lost 40 pounds doing nothing more than walking all over that beautiful city most days of the week, and eating pasta for 2 meals a day. Of course, I was 21 at the time, and, of course, I put all that weight back on and more when I returned home to the U.S. of A. and no longer had to walk any further than from my door to the car door. So I doubt whether that "diet plan" would work for me today. I'm too sick to walk great distances or fast enough to get that "aerobic" effect these days. But if I keep working at it, I'm pretty sure I can eventually work my way up to 30 minutes a day, 7 days a week (I started out being able to walk no more than 15 minutes). At least, that's my goal. Will that alone cause me to lose weight? Probably not. But I've also been trying to work on a big problem of mine: portion control. If I could cut down on the amounts I eat--or only pig out on lower caloric items, like veggies--I believe I could drop some weight. Which might mean that I'd probably feel better--some things at least would improve. So that's what my game plan is these days. On the other hand, I'm home all day long and have taken to cooking more and more. I've made some killer pizza from scratch and baked goodies from Julie van Rosendaal's, "One Smart Cookie" cookbook. So, I'm far from having a halo around my head quite yet.
It's been a looooong time since I last wrote anything here. And I'd apologize except I'm not sure if anyone's actually reading this. I can't say I've had any rousting comments on any of my prior entries. But I've resolved that I'm not going to write here for YOU, but for ME. Cheap therapy, maybe...but it will do. Actually, I've been re-inspired to blog again, having looked at some of the other blogs people are doing these days. Some very creative & interesting things being done out there.
So, because I haven't written since before last Halloween (!), let me catch up a bit: I'm still here!! Maybe not exactly "better"--but holding my own. One thing that I've been doing is walking on my treadmill--about 4-6 times a week, about 21-22 minutes a stretch. OK, not much, but hey, my heart is not cooperating on this project, you know? Any time I go over 23-24 minutes, I feel absolutely "flattened" later. So much so that I have to lay down and rest. I used to get a lot of heart symptoms when I do this, too--dull chest pain, palpitations--but I've started taking fish oil capsules and I have to say that I think that has helped a little. On the other hand, last Saturday I went with my 2 daughters to the Field Museum to see the current exhibition on Pompeii--a subject that has been near & dear to my heart since I was a child--and I got so tired out after walking about 2 revolutions around the main hall that I had to sit down and wait for a wheelchair to be brought to wheel me around the exhibitions. You just can't imagine how humbling it is to have to do this, but I had no other choice.
I find myself having to excuse myself a lot these days to other people for my physical limitations, and I'm not happy with that. Must I feel guilty over being ill?? Don't I have enough guilt heaped on me as it is? Guilty over being overweight, guilty over my food addiction, guilty over feeling guilty all the time! Where does this end!?! Take food... I've been reading an interesting online forum for local Chicagoland "foodies" (like myself, *blush*) called "LTH Forum" and I've had a real mind-blowing experience to discover that I am not the only person in the world to be absolutely obsessed with food! These people are totally bonkers for every minute aspect of food!! It really took off some of the pressure I felt, thinking there must be something wrong with me to think about food so much. (I have caught myself "chewing" in my sleep!) Once, many years ago, the now-much maligned, former Frugal Gourmet and pedophile, Jeff Smith once said that he thought the Chinese obsessed over food more than any other ethnic group. They weren't finished with one meal when they would mentally be planning the next one down to last detail. He also explained that they cut all their food in bite-sized pieces prior to stir-frying so that they wouldn't have to use anything more than their chopsticks to eat an entire meal--not like us in the West where one must use a "proper" fork, knife & spoon. That always seemed to me so civilized! Real foodies!!
So maybe it's OK to be a foodie after all. Of course, don't tell that to someone who isn't! You hear all these svelte, athletic types mouthing such platitudes as, "Eat to live, don't live to eat," and other such crap like that. I've always thought, poor you--you must never get to eat any really good food! Because good food is meant to be savored and enjoyed. And, my weight problems aside, that, inherently, isn't a bad thing. Unfortunately, I have some complex problem that I am sure originates on a chromosomal level, that predisposes my body to not behave optimally when it comes to food. Something that causes my body not to utilize food normally. I probably lack certain chemicals that would allow me to feel sated with smaller amounts of food. I'm also sure there is a psychological factor to all this that is learned as a young child growing up with mixed messages that your parents give you to eat, but not too much--and then to heap guilt on you when you did. So you learn stealth. Guilt breeds it. Candy bars slipped into your underwear drawer. Potato chips snuck up to your room after everyone has gone to sleep. Eating food off plates as you clean up the kitchen after dinner. It goes on and on. This can't be healthy. And it encourages eating to excess, 'cause you never know when the next time you'll be able to eat freely will be! So it snowballs.
For all of the the "Twelve Step" programs out there, I never could understand how Overeaters Anonymous could have any success. You can live without alcohol or drugs, but you can't live without food. And leaving portion control up to an addict? Forgeddaboudit! No wonder so few obese people can keep the pounds off permanently. However, I do have a lot of hope for the latest scientific research in this area to come to a greater understanding of the complexity of these problems. They have discovered the links that exist between the brain and the stomach/intestines and the role that hormones play in signaling the feeling of satiety to the brain. Patients receiving gastric bypass operations evidently have that section of their digestive system cut-off so as to stop those hormones from reaching the brain. Thus, they no longer suffer extreme hunger. In fact, many complain that they have little desire to eat and often must force themselves in order to maintain nutrition. Of course, over time, if they return to the same behaviors that brought them to obesity, their new stomachs will eventually stretch out and they will be suffering from the same problems all over again. See how complex this is?? It's that body/mind connection which makes it so difficult.
Back in the day, I went away to school in Rome on a "junior year abroad" program and lost 40 pounds doing nothing more than walking all over that beautiful city most days of the week, and eating pasta for 2 meals a day. Of course, I was 21 at the time, and, of course, I put all that weight back on and more when I returned home to the U.S. of A. and no longer had to walk any further than from my door to the car door. So I doubt whether that "diet plan" would work for me today. I'm too sick to walk great distances or fast enough to get that "aerobic" effect these days. But if I keep working at it, I'm pretty sure I can eventually work my way up to 30 minutes a day, 7 days a week (I started out being able to walk no more than 15 minutes). At least, that's my goal. Will that alone cause me to lose weight? Probably not. But I've also been trying to work on a big problem of mine: portion control. If I could cut down on the amounts I eat--or only pig out on lower caloric items, like veggies--I believe I could drop some weight. Which might mean that I'd probably feel better--some things at least would improve. So that's what my game plan is these days. On the other hand, I'm home all day long and have taken to cooking more and more. I've made some killer pizza from scratch and baked goodies from Julie van Rosendaal's, "One Smart Cookie" cookbook. So, I'm far from having a halo around my head quite yet.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Illness & Food
Had one of those moments of crystal-clear realization tonight...regarding just how sick I am & how it came about. Funny, you don't really look at something when you're in it, living it all the time. But tonight it sort of became clear for me all of a sudden as I was thinking back on some friends of mine that passed away a few years ago. I was thinking back to a time when we were all together in the adjunct instructors office at the college & we were talking about things without any possible realization that in very few months 2 out of the 3 of us would be alive no more. (I still can't believe they're gone, if you want to know that truth.) That I'm alive & they're gone amazes me, sometimes.
This was back in about 2000. I was already showing signs that all was not right with my heart. I had felt increasingly out of breath until once when I was in the hospital for an overnight stay to check on my sleep apnea that my lack of O2 showed up on one of their measuring instruments. I was down about 86% O2 saturation. anything over, say 96%, is considered normal. I think my doctor was stunned by this discovery, although I had been telling him that I felt out of breath all the time. He had thought it was just part of my weight issues, & never put me on a meter in the office to find out.
I was having problems with the Achilles tendon in my left leg, so I was already walking very guardedly to protect it, as I was afraid it was going to snap & I would be forced to have surgery to repair it. So I walked a little more carefully. Going up stair were a problem, so I always tried to use the elevator to avoid this extra strain. I was teaching classes--up to 4 a semester, part-time--and also working part-time at the credit union. I had just divorced a few years ago & had no safety net. I had to work, & so I juggled all I could in my life just to keep things going.
From that time on, my heart steadily declined, until I am where I am today. I had to quit teaching in 2002. Now I'm at home, living on disability, & quite limited in what I can & can't do. Mostly, I feel really wretched...body-wise. I must take many medications & the side effects are formidable. I feel like awful. Now I'm not telling you all this, dear reader, to garner your sympathy or anything like that. Actually, tonight I am mainly trying to work out the chronology of how I came to be like this. Like I said, it's difficult to be able to assess a situation when you're living it.
Next, to add to my list of health problems came the diabetes, & then the muscle problems in my legs. At first, I didn't pay much attention to the lack of strength I was feeling...I thought that this was part of the problems with my heart, that it limited my muscular strength as well. And to a certain point I'm sure that's true. But as this weakness increased, I was forced to examine it more & more. So I underwent a battery of tests & diagnosed a form of muscular dystrophy: inclusion-body myositis. Well. Ok. Now what? Not much I can do. It's slow-moving, thankfully, & I'm trying to exercise to, first, aid my heart, but also to work those thigh muscles daily. I suffer some muscular pain that I assume is connected to this, but this is no where as great a problem to me as the arthritis that I now suffer in my hips & knees. Sometimes, quite regularly, actually, it will wake me up from a sound sleep until I must wake up & change positions or take some acetominophen. This arthritis comes as part of the aging process, but certainly more because of the extra weight that I carry & have carried for most of my adult life. I've done this to myself.
But for the first time in my life, I am exercising on a regular basis. At least 5 days out of the week, 20 minutes on the treadmill. 20 minutes seem like nothing to you? Hoo-hoo!! It took me ages to get past 15 minutes! And it is helping. My legs hurt less often & I can feel a gradual lessening of my belly fat (something that is very important to heart health, actually). I've even lost a few pounds. And it's funny, you know, because I feel so guilty if I miss a day. Drives me crazy with guilt! I get up in the morning (or P.M., sometimes), drink some tea & head downstairs to walk, most days. Having the TV right there makes it great because I don't think I'd be able to keep this up without something to put my mind on while walking. It IS boring! But it is also good for my heart, & that's a huge criteria for me in what I can accept & keep in my life these days. I'm on a mission of survival.
This is what what I eat is so important as well. Food as medicine. It IS! And if you think it isn't, have another 64 oz. slurpy & let's have this talk again in 15 years. I am wracked with guilt about eating foods containing white flour or sugar, these days. I try to counter-balance this by eating the RIGHT foods most of the time. But it is hard. Especially for me, as an acknowledged food addict. Being a foodie aside, I also have a definite addiction here. And one that I won't be able to stop! So I have t0 learn to deal with food. And right now I'm coming to recognize--through keeping a food journal--my problems lie mainly in portion control. Of course, I could watch what goes through my lips a little better, but all in all, I have a pretty good handle on what I eat. Now if I could just do with less of it. But keeping the journal helps me to stay real (although sometimes I get sloppy & lapse a few days).
More about food choices later...
Had one of those moments of crystal-clear realization tonight...regarding just how sick I am & how it came about. Funny, you don't really look at something when you're in it, living it all the time. But tonight it sort of became clear for me all of a sudden as I was thinking back on some friends of mine that passed away a few years ago. I was thinking back to a time when we were all together in the adjunct instructors office at the college & we were talking about things without any possible realization that in very few months 2 out of the 3 of us would be alive no more. (I still can't believe they're gone, if you want to know that truth.) That I'm alive & they're gone amazes me, sometimes.
This was back in about 2000. I was already showing signs that all was not right with my heart. I had felt increasingly out of breath until once when I was in the hospital for an overnight stay to check on my sleep apnea that my lack of O2 showed up on one of their measuring instruments. I was down about 86% O2 saturation. anything over, say 96%, is considered normal. I think my doctor was stunned by this discovery, although I had been telling him that I felt out of breath all the time. He had thought it was just part of my weight issues, & never put me on a meter in the office to find out.
I was having problems with the Achilles tendon in my left leg, so I was already walking very guardedly to protect it, as I was afraid it was going to snap & I would be forced to have surgery to repair it. So I walked a little more carefully. Going up stair were a problem, so I always tried to use the elevator to avoid this extra strain. I was teaching classes--up to 4 a semester, part-time--and also working part-time at the credit union. I had just divorced a few years ago & had no safety net. I had to work, & so I juggled all I could in my life just to keep things going.
From that time on, my heart steadily declined, until I am where I am today. I had to quit teaching in 2002. Now I'm at home, living on disability, & quite limited in what I can & can't do. Mostly, I feel really wretched...body-wise. I must take many medications & the side effects are formidable. I feel like awful. Now I'm not telling you all this, dear reader, to garner your sympathy or anything like that. Actually, tonight I am mainly trying to work out the chronology of how I came to be like this. Like I said, it's difficult to be able to assess a situation when you're living it.
Next, to add to my list of health problems came the diabetes, & then the muscle problems in my legs. At first, I didn't pay much attention to the lack of strength I was feeling...I thought that this was part of the problems with my heart, that it limited my muscular strength as well. And to a certain point I'm sure that's true. But as this weakness increased, I was forced to examine it more & more. So I underwent a battery of tests & diagnosed a form of muscular dystrophy: inclusion-body myositis. Well. Ok. Now what? Not much I can do. It's slow-moving, thankfully, & I'm trying to exercise to, first, aid my heart, but also to work those thigh muscles daily. I suffer some muscular pain that I assume is connected to this, but this is no where as great a problem to me as the arthritis that I now suffer in my hips & knees. Sometimes, quite regularly, actually, it will wake me up from a sound sleep until I must wake up & change positions or take some acetominophen. This arthritis comes as part of the aging process, but certainly more because of the extra weight that I carry & have carried for most of my adult life. I've done this to myself.
But for the first time in my life, I am exercising on a regular basis. At least 5 days out of the week, 20 minutes on the treadmill. 20 minutes seem like nothing to you? Hoo-hoo!! It took me ages to get past 15 minutes! And it is helping. My legs hurt less often & I can feel a gradual lessening of my belly fat (something that is very important to heart health, actually). I've even lost a few pounds. And it's funny, you know, because I feel so guilty if I miss a day. Drives me crazy with guilt! I get up in the morning (or P.M., sometimes), drink some tea & head downstairs to walk, most days. Having the TV right there makes it great because I don't think I'd be able to keep this up without something to put my mind on while walking. It IS boring! But it is also good for my heart, & that's a huge criteria for me in what I can accept & keep in my life these days. I'm on a mission of survival.
This is what what I eat is so important as well. Food as medicine. It IS! And if you think it isn't, have another 64 oz. slurpy & let's have this talk again in 15 years. I am wracked with guilt about eating foods containing white flour or sugar, these days. I try to counter-balance this by eating the RIGHT foods most of the time. But it is hard. Especially for me, as an acknowledged food addict. Being a foodie aside, I also have a definite addiction here. And one that I won't be able to stop! So I have t0 learn to deal with food. And right now I'm coming to recognize--through keeping a food journal--my problems lie mainly in portion control. Of course, I could watch what goes through my lips a little better, but all in all, I have a pretty good handle on what I eat. Now if I could just do with less of it. But keeping the journal helps me to stay real (although sometimes I get sloppy & lapse a few days).
More about food choices later...
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
The Holidays
I'm already thinking about the menus coming up. We've got my cousin from CA & her family coming for Thanksgiving, & I'm already formulating the perfect feast for that. But an Instant Message conversation that I just had with my nephew in Japan brought me back to holidays with my family when I was a little girl. Even though my parents were both avowed atheists (they had both gone through Catholic grade school), Christmas was a big deal -- food wise. And my father's Italian traditions were duplicated as well as could be expected in our big, new suburban home. After all, this was probably the first generation of his family ever to break the cycle of real poverty and to make it to the middle class, so even if our holidays lacked a religious context, they tried to compensate by going overboard with the food. And it was something incredible to behold!
Christmas Eve (La Vigilia to some Italians) was a non-meat designated day, & by God, even my atheist parents followed it. So all the courses had to be fish-based. My dad would prepare for this the week before by going around from store to store where he knew the freshest fish & seafood could be found, & sometimes I came along for the ride. There was always a "white" pasta course -- spaghetti al'olio -- a simple pasta dish dressed with olive oil & garlic & parsley. And then came the seafood. Baccala -- dried codfish -- which had to be soaked for days, changing the water several times. Then came the octopus & squid. This took a lot of time to clean as they often came frozen in a solid block of ice. I remember helping to strip the membrane-like skin from the squid, pull out a "plastic"-looking piece & cutting them into rings & tentacles. Then there were the shrimp & lobsters. (Funny thing: days after cleaning these, the top layer of skin on my hands would begin to peel off!) Again, labor-intensive, with the vein that runs along the back of the shrimp having to be cut out. There might be some oysters, clams or mussels, depending on what was available at the fish store. And I remember one Christmas where he had bought a box or bag full of snails & put them into the refrigerator, only to discover later that they had somehow gotten out & were climbing all over the interior, to my mother's chagrin. Then came the courses of various types of swimming fish -- whatever looked good & caught my father's eye at the time.
Generally, it was agreed that there had to be at least 7 fish courses among the Italian Catholics (or maybe 9), but my dad didn't feel pressed to observe this. He just wanted to present a bounty to his family & friends on that day. Late in his life I remember that he had discovered a recipe for a new fish stew that was creating a sensation in San Francisco at that time -- Cioppino. It was a bouillabaisse-like creation full of all sorts of seafood, & he was years ahead of anyone around here in finding it.
Now you might think that I was enjoying all these dishes too, but nothing could be farther from the truth. At the time, I complained bitterly that we weren't eating what "normal" people would eat for Christmas, and why couldn't I have a hot dog or something? I wasn't eating that weird stuff! All I would eat was the spaghetti, & maybe a shrimp or two, or a little fish. That was it. Later, when I was 16 & in Spain with my mother, I had some mussels & got deathly ill in a hotel room overnight, & we had to call in a doctor. From that point on, I determined never to eat any sort of mussel, clam or oyster because it seemed that I might have some food allergy to them. As I look back on this now, it's probably more likely that I just had a bad mussel in that stew, & got sick from that. But I'm not really willing to try again at this late date because I really, really hate to be sick to my stomach.
Christmas Day was better, in my eyes. There'd be a flashy pasta dish -- something with tomato "gravy" (as my father always called the sauce) -- maybe lasagna, ravioli of ricotta & spinach, or potato gnocchi. This was served with whatever meats went into the making of the gravy (which was a 2-day affair, by the way), usually pork neckbones, or meatballs, Italian sausage, a piece of beef, bracciole, a chicken, etc. Then the main meat course, which might be a large beef roast, roasted cornish hens or chickens, or something like that. Something flashy. Then came the side dishes, always including a salad dressed as my father always did, with olive oil, red wine vinegar, garlic, salt & a little oregano. These would also include roast potatoes and other vegetable dishes. There would be Italian bread & a gallon of good, basic red wine which was served in small juice glasses rather than in wine glasses (In fact, I remember we used the glasses that small shrimp cocktails came in). My step-grandfather's glass kept getting refilled a lot, as I recall.
In the midst of all of this, my father was officiating over everything, just like a conductor leads an orchestra. Everything had to be perfect, and he was clearly pleased with himself. I was 10 or less, at the time, & thought this would never end. Within 3 years, he was gone. I think back on those times & remember little bits & snatches of the music he'd have on the hi-fi (Mario Lanza or some Christmas music), the Christmas tree upstairs (which he always decorated like a big kid), my presents (the pink mohair sweater & "ghillies" shoes), my cousins & I running around & playing with Barbies. The colorful Christmas candies filled with some sort of jam, the antipasto which included black olives which us kids would "wear" on our fingers, the bubbling, excited feeling I got for this day & how fast it was over! By the end of the day, I melted into my bed like a blob of warm mozzarella. I had had enough partying for a while.
We don't realize just how much our children are recording all that goes on around them on these important event days. How much they retain! It's important to keep that in mind & try to build on those memories by keeping them happy ones (if possible). Today, my children & our immediate family have started to come together each week at least one day of the weekend to cook & eat together, & it's been really nice for everyone. I'm sick, my mom's 83... who knows how much longer any of us really have here together. It just makes sense to get together as a family. It's not always sweetness & light either -- there's been some arguing (mostly my mom & I), but nothing serious. It comforts me to have my kids around me & I hope these family traditions will live on with them & their kids. We made gnocchi last Saturday together. It was nice. But just wait until Christmas. This year: bigger & better!
I'm already thinking about the menus coming up. We've got my cousin from CA & her family coming for Thanksgiving, & I'm already formulating the perfect feast for that. But an Instant Message conversation that I just had with my nephew in Japan brought me back to holidays with my family when I was a little girl. Even though my parents were both avowed atheists (they had both gone through Catholic grade school), Christmas was a big deal -- food wise. And my father's Italian traditions were duplicated as well as could be expected in our big, new suburban home. After all, this was probably the first generation of his family ever to break the cycle of real poverty and to make it to the middle class, so even if our holidays lacked a religious context, they tried to compensate by going overboard with the food. And it was something incredible to behold!
Christmas Eve (La Vigilia to some Italians) was a non-meat designated day, & by God, even my atheist parents followed it. So all the courses had to be fish-based. My dad would prepare for this the week before by going around from store to store where he knew the freshest fish & seafood could be found, & sometimes I came along for the ride. There was always a "white" pasta course -- spaghetti al'olio -- a simple pasta dish dressed with olive oil & garlic & parsley. And then came the seafood. Baccala -- dried codfish -- which had to be soaked for days, changing the water several times. Then came the octopus & squid. This took a lot of time to clean as they often came frozen in a solid block of ice. I remember helping to strip the membrane-like skin from the squid, pull out a "plastic"-looking piece & cutting them into rings & tentacles. Then there were the shrimp & lobsters. (Funny thing: days after cleaning these, the top layer of skin on my hands would begin to peel off!) Again, labor-intensive, with the vein that runs along the back of the shrimp having to be cut out. There might be some oysters, clams or mussels, depending on what was available at the fish store. And I remember one Christmas where he had bought a box or bag full of snails & put them into the refrigerator, only to discover later that they had somehow gotten out & were climbing all over the interior, to my mother's chagrin. Then came the courses of various types of swimming fish -- whatever looked good & caught my father's eye at the time.
Generally, it was agreed that there had to be at least 7 fish courses among the Italian Catholics (or maybe 9), but my dad didn't feel pressed to observe this. He just wanted to present a bounty to his family & friends on that day. Late in his life I remember that he had discovered a recipe for a new fish stew that was creating a sensation in San Francisco at that time -- Cioppino. It was a bouillabaisse-like creation full of all sorts of seafood, & he was years ahead of anyone around here in finding it.
Now you might think that I was enjoying all these dishes too, but nothing could be farther from the truth. At the time, I complained bitterly that we weren't eating what "normal" people would eat for Christmas, and why couldn't I have a hot dog or something? I wasn't eating that weird stuff! All I would eat was the spaghetti, & maybe a shrimp or two, or a little fish. That was it. Later, when I was 16 & in Spain with my mother, I had some mussels & got deathly ill in a hotel room overnight, & we had to call in a doctor. From that point on, I determined never to eat any sort of mussel, clam or oyster because it seemed that I might have some food allergy to them. As I look back on this now, it's probably more likely that I just had a bad mussel in that stew, & got sick from that. But I'm not really willing to try again at this late date because I really, really hate to be sick to my stomach.
Christmas Day was better, in my eyes. There'd be a flashy pasta dish -- something with tomato "gravy" (as my father always called the sauce) -- maybe lasagna, ravioli of ricotta & spinach, or potato gnocchi. This was served with whatever meats went into the making of the gravy (which was a 2-day affair, by the way), usually pork neckbones, or meatballs, Italian sausage, a piece of beef, bracciole, a chicken, etc. Then the main meat course, which might be a large beef roast, roasted cornish hens or chickens, or something like that. Something flashy. Then came the side dishes, always including a salad dressed as my father always did, with olive oil, red wine vinegar, garlic, salt & a little oregano. These would also include roast potatoes and other vegetable dishes. There would be Italian bread & a gallon of good, basic red wine which was served in small juice glasses rather than in wine glasses (In fact, I remember we used the glasses that small shrimp cocktails came in). My step-grandfather's glass kept getting refilled a lot, as I recall.
In the midst of all of this, my father was officiating over everything, just like a conductor leads an orchestra. Everything had to be perfect, and he was clearly pleased with himself. I was 10 or less, at the time, & thought this would never end. Within 3 years, he was gone. I think back on those times & remember little bits & snatches of the music he'd have on the hi-fi (Mario Lanza or some Christmas music), the Christmas tree upstairs (which he always decorated like a big kid), my presents (the pink mohair sweater & "ghillies" shoes), my cousins & I running around & playing with Barbies. The colorful Christmas candies filled with some sort of jam, the antipasto which included black olives which us kids would "wear" on our fingers, the bubbling, excited feeling I got for this day & how fast it was over! By the end of the day, I melted into my bed like a blob of warm mozzarella. I had had enough partying for a while.
We don't realize just how much our children are recording all that goes on around them on these important event days. How much they retain! It's important to keep that in mind & try to build on those memories by keeping them happy ones (if possible). Today, my children & our immediate family have started to come together each week at least one day of the weekend to cook & eat together, & it's been really nice for everyone. I'm sick, my mom's 83... who knows how much longer any of us really have here together. It just makes sense to get together as a family. It's not always sweetness & light either -- there's been some arguing (mostly my mom & I), but nothing serious. It comforts me to have my kids around me & I hope these family traditions will live on with them & their kids. We made gnocchi last Saturday together. It was nice. But just wait until Christmas. This year: bigger & better!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
